Caption Contest

For lack of material, let's have a Caption Contest!

Leave your caption in the comments and I'll pick a winner designate a judge Monday.

***Caption Contest Closed. The Judge has made his decision.

Limey Update and Stuff

First of all, I have been getting Limey e-mails for the past week. This morning The Chosen Ones got a mass e-mailing from the Limey:

I LOVE YOU ALL.

I LOVE CAPITALISM.

I LOVE YOUR REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT AND HIS REPUBLICAN FRIENDS.

I LOVE THE WHITE HOUSE.

I LOVE THE BRITISH MONARCHY.

I LOVE GOATS.

I LOVE SMALL CHILDREN.

I LOVE HOMOSEXUALS.

I LOVE DEMOCRACY.

FUCK MCDONALDS.

I WANT TO BE LIKE FRANK J AND HIS FRIENDS.

SUPPORT FREEDOM.

SATURDAY 1ST MAY 2004.

I may have edited it just a little.

On another note...why aren't you contributors contributing???

The Recognition I Deserve

Finally...I have gotten the recognition I deserve: e-mail from the Limey!

With the subject line "DIE!", here is the entire message:

EVIL FASCIST SLUT! GO AND DIE ON THE DAY GEORGE W. BUSH IS OUSTED FROM THE WHITE HOUSE! Tony "Very left-wing" Pentin.

Actually, I have very different plans if that day should come, but I appreciate the recognition all the same.

Wanker.

New Fund?

Some unknown person (cough, cough) signed Frank J up for a bunch of Democrat mailing lists. Now he has the opportunity to fisk a letter from the Kerry campaign.

In the comments, James suggests:

I am already tired of the campaign, can we donate somewhere to end it? How about a presidential lottery, we all get to pick a set of numbers and who ever wins is the president.

That is an idea I think we can all get behind.

Saving Monkeys

Interesting news on the medical front yesterday. A monkey underwent successful double cataract surgery to restore part of his vision. Frank will be happy to know that restoring the animal's sight will allow its future transfer to another zoo as part of the global species protection program.

Nocturnal douroucoulis, also known as night monkeys, are endangered in Panama because of severe habitat loss, so it is up to zoos to replenish the population through breeding programs.

Let's all take a moment to be thankful that modern medicine can help save some of Frank's favorite creatures.

Free Speech

Fans of Frank J are probably fans of free speech.

There is currently an online petition for free speech at www.stopFCC.com.

We the undersigned pledge our support for freedom of speech and expression on our airwaves, print, the Internet, broadcast, cable and satellite.

While we realize that the government has an obligation to protect our children, surely there needs to be a limit to what is regulated. Adults and parents are capable of making decisions about what to watch, read or listen to and are certainly capable of turning off or putting down anything that may offend them or their children.

As voting citizens, we ask our elected officials to consider your actions in attempting to further regulate television, radio, cable, satellite, print and Internet content.

We consider further censorship attempts to be unconstitutional and we will fight these actions by voting for a politician who cares about our rights as Americans.

No Monkey Monday Today

Monkey Monday will return tomorrow, on Tuesday. Today, the Frank J. Fan Club is mourning the passing of Mr. and Mrs. Nick Yankovic, proud mother and father of Weird Al Yankovic, one of the Two Greatest Satirists* of Our Time. Mr. and Mrs. Yankovic were found dead in their homes on Friday past, apparently of carbon monoxide poisoning.

In recognition of Mr. and Mrs. Yankovic's passing, the Blog War with Frank J. has been called off. We're sure they would rather we laughed than fought.

*The other is, of course, Frank J.. We're sure Frank J. is all a-giddy about being spoken of in the same breath as Weird Al.

WAR! More Propaganda

Does the button Frank uses to link to The Lesser Frank Fan Club bother anyone? I mean, look at it:

Now look at this:

WAR! Propaganda

Frank's misguided attack (on fellow Munuvian Simon) has revealed his true colors. Blue:

Foul!!!

Frank J has misguidedly launched an attack at our wonderful Simon.

Don't make me turn this site against you, Ethel.

Frank and The Limey

Frank J has responded to yet another Limey letter.

Where was Frank?

If Frank had been there this would never have happened.

HONG KONG - A Hong Kong woman says conservation officers chased a stray monkey into her home, where it went on a rampage that destroyed an expensive flat-screen television. Now she's suing the government.

Come to think of it Frank recently had problems with his big screen TV. Coincidence, or evil plot?

That Darn Scrappleface

We're sure Frank J would join us in congratulating Scott Ott for being mentioned prominently by Rush Limbaugh on the radio today.

Monkey Monday!

Today's monkey is Mrs. Claus, from the North Pole:

DWM with Santa Claus cordiality & humor sought by Santa Clausette. Must be able to fit down a normal-sized chimney. Sense of adventure important, as is zest for life. Partnership sought for those stressful holidays.

Do you know a Santa who might become Mrs. Claus's special someone? If so, please contact the Frank J. Fan Club with details, and we'll arrange a special fun-filled evening for the happy couple!

Drumroll Please

Per further bitching instructions from Frank, I present a new button.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the Chomps the UN Peacekeeper button:

I'll think about a button with a katana and whatnot. This is what you get for now.

***Update: Colt 1911 button: